


Soldiers

by ACometAppears



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: AU, Dark, Gen, Internalised Homophobia, Language, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Psychological Torture, Violence, body image issues, descriptions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-04-24
Packaged: 2018-01-20 13:55:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1512980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ACometAppears/pseuds/ACometAppears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers fell into the ravine right after Bucky Barnes, and HYDRA got their hands on the both of them. An AU story told through letters and diary entries, containing spoilers for Captain America: The Winter Soldier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Zola

**Author's Note:**

> I had the idea for this story yesterday - and I couldn't stop thinking about it. This is my first fic in the mcu (I've also read the Captain America comics so any details that seem unfamiliar might come from them - I'll try to keep it mcu though!!). It's told in letters and diary entries (alternately). 
> 
> This is kind of dark. I think it will have four chapters (though only the first is written right now at the time of posting). Enjoy!!

1944

 _HERR SKULL_ – the requested progress report on the special project I am undertaking currently. 

The packages recovered after the assault on my train arrived at my laboratory in the Swiss Alps two months ago. I appreciate that you requested my presence at your base of operations south of here, but this project is certainly worthy of my attention, as you will surely come to see. While any of your scientists can help you develop the weapons our cause relies on to stay afloat, only I can hope to develop this particular project to ensure our victory and superiority in the long-term. 

We accepted delivery of two packages, both of which were flash-frozen (still alive), and required extensive thawing: this process took around three days, even with my best efforts concerning my team’s working pace. They expressed concerns over the faculties of the assets concerned, should the thawing process be undertaken too quickly. I disavowed them of this notion – as is obvious from the abhorrent newsreels the Americans bombard our enemies with, at least one of them would easily survive being warmed as quickly as possible. The other, unfortunately, was a more complicated case. 

The second package, designated codename Winter Soldier, was superficially human when we first came upon him. Additionally, he had suffered abrasions and an extensive amount of lacerations to his left side, resulting in the amputation of his left upper limb. He is much more resilient than my colleagues credited him with: though when he was awake he was incredibly vocal, scaring some of the younger recruits with his irritating screaming, his body recovered easily from the operation partly due to my previous experimentation; also partly due to the administration of a serum derived from the blood of the first asset, which we believe will also give him similar abilities to said asset (designated codename Sentinel). Incidentally, this is hardly the first time the former has been rescued by the latter. I am incredibly glad we have been able to revive both of them – as I will express later, I believe them to be of more use as a set than they are singly. 

We ensured first that their mental faculties were indeed intact, before we sedated them. They asked the expected questions about their locations, my identity – and they asked after one another, interestingly. This was the first indication that my team would be able to use their relationship to HYDRA’s advantage. 

My team performed cognitive ablation – a new technique we had previously perfected using allied prisoners of war – upon the two subjects. Codename Winter Soldier’s brain took to the wipe much better than that of codename Sentinel: despite his struggles and protestations, it took only three wipes for no trace of his former life to be present in his mind. The wipes were not complete, however – he still recognises and asks after Codename Sentinel. Strange, how the parasitic American dream appears to live on – though I am not entirely sure that their government, or our Reich, would approve of the exact depth of the relationship between the two assets. This is to be explored with further interrogation. 

Codename Sentinel has not taken well to his cognitive ablation: he has only lost parts of his past life, remembering the vast majority even after numerous sessions with the recalibration apparatus. However, as previously mentioned, his relationship with Codename Winter Soldier has been used to our advantage: as well as his sessions with the apparatus, and his time in the red room, Codename Sentinel has been subjected to time watching Codename Winter Soldier undergo rigorous interrogation. The mere sight of him with only a single upper limb remaining was both encouraging to us, and fascinating to observe: Codename Sentinel almost broke free of his many restraints in an attempt to free Codename Winter Soldier; for the first time, I firmly believe I saw the asset shed a tear. 

Codename Winter Soldier played his part well: while pliant and receptive to our ideas (to a point – further recalibration may be required, but the wipe process where he is concerned is as good as complete, bar obviously his connection to Codename Sentinel) – he was distressed when physically beaten or tortured, which took a visible toll on Codename Sentinel. 

In addition to these sessions (and those in the red room), we have been subjecting Codenames Sentinel and Winter Soldier to psychological remoulding, if you will allow such a basic term. Aversion therapy is being used to reverse the strange brainwashing that the American nation appears to subject its soldiers and people to – soon enough the thought of stars and stripes will make them nauseous, if my desires are realised. 

During his sessions in the red room, I have managed to convince Codename Winter Soldier that Codename Sentinel is dead multiple times – it always has the same effect of breaking him in a way that is intriguing. Of course, when we reveal that he is not dead – sometimes we convince him that the allied forces tried to kill Codename Sentinel, and we ‘revived’ him, in order to instil further trust and thankfulness towards HYRDA in Codename Winter Soldier – he is extraordinarily pleased, and thanks us profusely. I am convinced that, given another month, he will be our perfect weapon (or at least one half of it). In the meantime, however, I am sending you the specifications of a contraption I would like your laboratory to construct: I have neither the time nor the materials to do so at this time. The mechanism must be made to my exact specifications and measurements, in order to fit and be useful, when the time comes. My design, as always, is perfect – rest assured, if there is anything wrong with any part of Codename Winter Soldier by the end of the recalibration and training process, it is not my fault. 

During his sessions, I have asked Codename Sentinel whether he intentionally replicated the fall into the ravine that would have claimed his comrade’s life, had we not happened upon them both. I have asked him repeatedly whether he thought he would just die, and it would be over – whether he thought he could stop fighting, a fallen hero, glorified in the eyes of his beloved American people. I expressed my curiosity over whether or not suicide was part of the star spangled man’s plan. 

He did not take kindly to the idea that he tried to commit suicide once he realised his comrade was going to die – nor did he like what I insinuated about the nature of their relationship – but his level of denial and defiance reveals his shame, and his guilt, and his self-hatred. I believe this is the fault that will lead to me successfully recalibrating Codename Sentinel: it is the crack in his shield, so to speak. I have cleared the idea with my colleagues that we will allow Codename Winter Soldier to keep his recollections of his and Codename Sentinel’s relationship, in order to have him convince Codename Sentinel that he should fight for HYDRA. As he has looked up to Codename Winter Soldier since early childhood, our deep mental probing sessions have revealed, this may be the key to breaking him and obtaining our ultimate tool against the West; the key to winning the war, and starting our thousand year Reich – by which I mean, of course, your thousand year Reich. 

As it stands, I would tentatively say that our progress is very good. Codenames Winter Soldier and Sentinel are likely to be ready for active duty within a six month period. As always, we strive to achieve the best results within the shortest time frame, in order to add to the already obviously superior glory of HYDRA, under your command, Herr Skull. I shall report further progress on a monthly basis.  
Heil HYDRA

_Dr. Arnim Zola_


	2. Rogers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the support so far!! This chapter contains a little (internalised) homophobia, and is a diary entry by Steve. More soon. Cheers!!

1950

Training session today went really well – they recovered my old shield from my time with the Americans a few weeks back, and had it covertly shipped over here. They got rid of the stars and stripes, thankfully – just seeing that kind of thing makes me feel sick (it’s even worse for Bucky). I was a little hesitant to start using it again, in light of what the SSR did to me – they only gave it to me so I could fight for their crooked cause. But when I got it in my hand, in the worst way, it felt good. Right, familiar . . . Sure, it helped me fight for that awful country, but it’s still useful. Actually, I'll correct myself - it does still have one star, just like Bucky’s arm - it has a red star, that represents HYDRA. And that’s a cause I can get behind. 

Bucky’s really coming along with the newest model of the arm. It’s a lot lighter than the ones before, he says – I just smile and nod when he starts explaining in detail; I don’t really understand any of the technical side of it. But if Bucky’s happy, I’m thrilled. Plus, I have to admit he looked pretty amazing using it as a weapon. He’s – he’s amazing. The way he moves, the way he fights, the expression on his face . . . He’s just perfect at what he does, and he’s way more ruthless than I can bring myself to be, even knowing I’m fighting for the right team now. I can’t think of anyone Bucky couldn’t beat – except me, maybe. 

They’d never pit us against each other, though. We’ve always been a unit – not even the Americans could split us up. We always find our way back to each other, me and Bucky. 

Dr. Zola said he’d never seen us in action, aside from the horrible old newsreels – it makes me so mad that those guys talk a big game about freedom, but those movies I used to star in are obviously propaganda, which isn't exactly the type of thing a free country makes. It’s nuts, really – how I didn’t see that what I was doing was wrong, and I was fighting for the wrong side. I wish I could have told the guys I used to fight with that - but they didn't want to listen. Killing the Howling Commandos wasn't nice, but it was necessary: they killed the Red Skull, after all, and set us back so damn far. Bucky did most of the actual _killing_ , as always - he always does what I can't, and he doesn't bring it up. I can't even begin to thank him enough for that. Dr. Zola says that when he used to talk with the Skull, he used to say there were no flags in the future: the Howling Commanods thought he was wrong, and the old me would have told him that wasn’t my future - but now, I can see it’s for the best. It’s for the greater good, they say – and I believe them, I guess. It’ll all work out in the end . . . At least, that’s what Bucky says. I sure hope so. 

I’m not really supposed to call him anything aside from Comrade Barnes – and even that’s not great, cause it’s his old name. We’re only really allowed to refer to each other as ‘Winter Soldier’. So ‘Bucky’ is technically off the cards – but then again, so is a lot of the . . . _Stuff_ , we get up to. 

They put us in a room together: they want us to stick together, say we’re better as a unit. We proved it today, to Dr. Zola – he gave us a standing ovation, once we’d kicked the tar out of a bunch of his henchmen. Only afterwards did we learn they were his top agents – _you need better men_ , Bucky said. _Maybe even some women_ , he added, too – he sure talks up his love for the ladies, but he was winking at me as he said it. I think maybe he was trying to make me jealous.

I probably shouldn’t write this down anywhere, but this diary is private and safe, and only Bucky knows where I store it (it was pretty easy for him to carve out one of the bricks in the wall with his metal arm and cover up the hole with some pin-up girl poster he asked for with that cheeky wink he does sometimes), and he wouldn’t look at it if I told him not to . . . Me and Bucky are all each other have. It’s hard to understand – not least of all for the two of us, for me. I just . . . I remember what it was like in the red room, and watching him get hurt by the Americans. They beat him, and HYDRA rescued us – I woke up in this room, and I was safe, and I just _knew_ that they were the team I wanted to fight for. My country had forsaken me – but I still had Bucky. Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky. 

Times were still hard, even after we got settled in – the Americans took Bucky’s arm in some sort of sick experiment, just like the one they did on me, and Erskine did on the Skull. Sure, those experiments mean me and Bucky can live a whole lot longer, and fight a whole lot harder for the Reich the Skull wanted (rest his soul) – but it’s still horrible what they did to us. Bucky told me that he used to do . . . _Stuff_ , with his left hand, and that he couldn’t do it anymore. 

It took a few weeks of living at close quarters, but he let me touch him, eventually – a touch, a hug, a hand on his neck – and he leant into each one, with this look of complete relaxation and contentment on his face for just a split second. The only time he looks peaceful is when I’m touching him. And now, well . . . Now we sleep in the same bed. He gets cold – the arm is pretty cold – and I warm him up, he says. It aches, too, where it weighs him down all damn day. I give him massages, and I just . . . _Touch _him. It’s weird – no one else touches us. Not gently, not with care – they’re afraid of us, I think, because of what the Americans did to us – not like we touch each other.__

They told us that the Americans had previously tried to remove our feelings using these brutal new mental cleansing machines – thankfully HYDRA have their own machines to counteract everything they did, and they make us feel so much better, thank God – but it clearly didn’t work. I told them I still feel, in my sessions with Dr. Zola’s psychologists, but . . . But I didn’t tell them to what extent I knew I was still able to love. 

They wouldn’t approve. Hell – I’m not even sure _I_ approve. It’s not – it’s not _right_ , it’s not okay – what they did to us, what we are to each other . . . But we’re all each other has. I’m not willing to let that slip away, for anything. So I’m willing to just ignore the part of me that screams that something is wrong, and allow myself to be the guy Bucky needs me to be. 

Cause I need him too. And HYDRA needs both of us – if Bucky says it’s okay to love each other, then it’s okay. If Bucky says we need to fight to the death for HYDRA, I’ll lay down my life. If Bucky says this is right, and that the Americans were wrong, then I’ll believe him forever.  
I trust Bucky, and I – and – 

He’s all I have. So I’ll follow him anywhere. Even though I know we could potentially live forever – even though I know that’s a long time – I’m with him til the end of the line.


	3. Pierce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kind kudos and comments, both here and on tumblr!! (You can find me there at bucksterbarnes)
> 
> This chapter is a letter from Alexander Pierce to agent Brock Rumlow (a.k.a. Crossbones)

2014

B. RUMLOW – CODENAME ‘CROSSBONES’ – 

Please expect delivery of two packages to our base of operations in Washington D. C. The utmost discretion is advised, as the success of our endeavours relies heavily on the presence of the two assets. Your life may depend on them. 

Though it is still unclear exactly why the assets were frozen, given their incredible longevity even outside of cryo-sleep, rest assured they are in peak physical condition, according to each and every scientist I have consulted covertly about them. It is thought that the discovery of the significance of the relationship between the two assets led their superiors to the decision that they were better off frozen. While this is merely speculation, please be aware of the depth of the relationship between the two of them: where one is concerned, the other will stop at nothing to protect them; a quality which, like the Spartans before us, we have learned to exploit for both offensive and defensive purposes. 

The targets that need to be eliminated to ensure the success of project Insight are numerous. There are still those in SHIELD who are unaware of our presence, and who actively oppose the progress we wish to help them achieve. Your team should be present during the launch of project Insight, in the control room at SHIELD – I will also be present – to ensure that it goes off without incident. Your team will handle the agents on the ground – if any – that wish to oppose the launch. 

The assets will focus on the more high priority agents who wish to stop the launch: Fury and his agents will surely try and persuade as many agents as possible to oppose us if he learns of this plot. Bearing that in mind, the targets I have chosen for the assets to eliminate are as follows: 

Fury, Nicholas J. 

Romanoff, Natasha A. 

Barton, Clinton F. 

Wilson, Samuel T. 

Hill, Maria

Carter, Sharon

Do not underestimate any of these targets. Your job is to get the assets to them, to eliminate them before the launch date arrives, with minimal incident. Both assets are trained in stealth assassination, so this should not be a problem, unless you and your team draw unnecessary attention to them. Be warned that these agents are in league: if one is eliminated, then another will surely notice, and alert the others. 

There may be a way to take out agents Hill and Carter under the guise of accidental death during a reconnaissance mission; agent Romanoff, agent Barton and the veteran Sam Wilson have been working together of late with the aid of a new piece of technology, designated the ‘Falcon’ backpack. They are also potentially grooming him for the role of a new Captain America, as they consider such a figurehead necessary in these turbulent times - as we know, this move is too little, too late for their failing organisation, and society. The irony will surely be lost on them that Wilson shall be killed by the very man he aspires to be. 

A word of warning should be extended to all who surround the assets when they are revived: as well as preliminary orientation questions about the date, the assets invariably seek one another out; they have been shown to be quite distressed at the idea that the other is not present. 

Depending on the performance of the assets over the next few weeks, and the progression of project Insight, we are considering abandoning the technique of keeping the assets in cryo-sleep during their periods of inactivity. If the project proceeds as we wish it to, they will have very few periods of inactivity: the assets are extremely valuable, and need to be utilised as much as possible in the turbulent times that are sure to follow our takeover. It is my sincere hope that they will be able to convince those who are unwilling to join and accept our cause – by force if necessary – to cooperate; hopefully, at the mere mention of their names. 

Leaving the assets out of cryo-sleep will also eliminate the lengthy delivery and revival processes that are associated with these two particular assets, and so will make them more efficient. I have none of the doubts or issues that my predecessors had concerning their relationship, and am looking into forming a team of extremely adept individuals for them to lead – while they have been shown to work incredibly well together, consideration of how well they work in a team (see the files on the Howling Commandos I have had sent to you in preparation for their arrival) should be given. 

Please be aware of the subjects’ aversion to any article concerning American patriotism. Special consideration should also be taken regarding: 

\- The special equipment Codename Sentinel favours. He works best with his shield, combined with firearms. The shield must be the one I have had sent to you – I have been told that he refuses to fight with any other than the vibranium one, with the red star identical to the one present on Codename Winter Soldier's arm.

\- Codename Winter Soldier’s prosthesis. The limb will need tending to - it should be removed for upgrading by our scientists, who have already been fully briefed, and are ready to action these improvements as soon as possible. The upgrades should not take long: it is advisable that you return the limb as soon as possible, however, so as not to distress and enrage both Codename Winter Soldier and Codename Sentinel. 

Be aware that, should the above targets be eliminated successfully and project Insight be fully operationalised, we will be looking for members of the squad that will be headed up by the assets – I have put your name forward to be part of this elite team. Do not make me reverse that recommendation.

The best of luck for the coming weeks – not that we will need it. Decades of meticulous planning have gone into this scheme, and it will surely come to fruition, as long as you and your men play your part well and without fault. The dawn of a new era is upon us, and will rise from the ashes of this flawed society we are currently subjected to. 

Heil HYDRA

Alexander G. Pierce


	4. Barnes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter, from Bucky's point of view, after the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Thanks for reading!!

2014

They told me to write about the day we launched project Insight, in therapy. Not for them to look at, they keep saying: just so I can work through it all. I don't know, it seems like bullcrap to me, but here goes. 

I don’t know why I need therapy in the first place – I’m fine, Steve’s fine, we should just get on with what matters, which is working. But HYDRA’s always been overprotective of us, I guess. Even when most of them thought we were disgusting – me and Steve, that is. Maybe if the old man hadn’t overreacted to their 'suggestion' that we stop seeing so much of each other . . . Okay, maybe if _I_ hadn’t turned that one adviser guy into Swiss cheese over the suggestion that we should get separate rooms . . . Maybe then, we wouldn’t have gotten frozen. 

But it happened. There’s nothing I can do about it now – I’m not gonna dwell on it. Steve always tells me I’ve got hair like a beautiful dame (he really is a punk), but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna start crying over spilt milk like one. Or spilt blood, I guess. 

I don’t regret how it went down when they launched Insight. Sure, I’d met Natasha before – our time in the USSR was hard for everyone, including me and Steve, with the Americans torturing us in that secret compound, and the rescue by HYDRA – I don't remember it that well, it all goes a little fuzzy. Probably the result of all the fucked up things the SSR did to us . . . But I think Nat used to have a bit of a thing for me. But what kind of gal wouldn’t, eh? 

On launch day, she had that thing she uses – they used to call it the _Widow’s Bite_ , it electrocutes folks when she grabs them . . . She got Steve, she hurt him, and I just snapped. He recovered pretty quick, there was no serious damage, but she really was fighting tooth and nail, and she wouldn’t have stopped: even if I’d knocked her out, she probably would have gotten right back up again and started fighting. It's in the nature of a Black Widow like her - her whole company. 

It's pretty obvious she feels like she has to atone for her time with the reds – that’s the difference between us. Sure, she’s done her fair share of working for guys who are now her enemy (just like me and Steve, and the Americans), but unlike her, I don’t look back, or dwell on it. What’s done is done, no point in regretting it. We’ve got to move on, me and Steve. We have each other, we’ll get through it . . . But if I lost him – well, it’d be almost impossible to, but if I did I don’t know what I’d do. 

. . . Actually, I do. I’d grab as many weapons as I could, and I’d go off the grid and after the bastards who did it. And then after that, I’d go after their families. And then after that, their friends, and colleagues, and I wouldn’t stop until anyone who fucking _looked_ at them was dead. Then I’d probably try and find a way out. It just wouldn't be worth it, anymore. I'd be done. 

All that is why I don’t regret looking her in the eye, and snapping her neck. 

It was trickier than I thought – I was busy grabbing that flying soldier out of the air (they were trying to get him to be the new Cap – as if _anyone_ could measure up to Steve . . . Especially with his best buddy by his side sticking up for him). I grab him down, slit his throat, throw him away – easy, he should have known better, should have avoided me, but I guess he didn’t think I’d come at him with what's basically a pocket-knife – and I turn around, and Steve is on the floor. He’s jerking like he’s been given the chair – in a way he was, but there’s no way Steve would die so easy – and she’s standing over him. 

She throws one of those damn things at my arm – the little electric fuckers that make it shut down, for a little while. Luckily the upgrades I’ve gotten recently made it tougher, so it recovered in a couple of seconds. I’m guessing she wasn’t expecting that. So, she had to fight her way out. 

Unfortunately for Nat, I’ve been training hard, and she hasn’t fought me in a long, long time. It took longer than I’d have liked, but I got her at my mercy, I could feel her neck under my metal hand – there are sensors and stuff in there, I’ve gotten used to the weight and the feel of it when it’s grasping something, so while I’m not feeling it, I kind of am _feeling_ it - and I catch Steve out of the corner of my eye. He’s picking himself off the ground, and he says – I think he said, “Don't worry, Buck - I can do this all day,” And he smiled at me. 

I don’t really – I don’t know if I can . . . I don’t throw words like _love_ around lightly, but in that little split second of time, I was sure, that I - well, I don’t have to write it down. I don’t know if I can.

I killed her, because she could have taken that away. I know she was only following orders – and so was I, to an extent . . . Although, not totally. When someone touches Steve, they get what they deserve; I give them what they deserve. And usually what they deserve is a metal knuckle sandwich – but this time, I thought he was – I thought he was dead, actually, for a fraction of a second. And I saw red. And she was one of the targets. So, I killed her. 

We were meant to have killed her by then, already – but circumstances were difficult. A couple of SHIELD agents in the know about HYDRA provided a few of the targets with some tech that let them escape a few times. Sure, we got rid of Carter, Hill and Fury before launch day – they thought they were safe after Fury's faked death, hiding in their safe little base in that dam, but they didn’t know they had the full force of HYDRA and one of the best damn soldiers that’s ever existed tracking them (and Steve was tracking them too – ha, ha). 

Barton arrived too late to save Nat. Of course, he brought his damn arrows to a gun fight. Didn’t stop him from getting a shot off – I was distracted for a second and the next thing I know, there’s a damn arrow stuck in the joint where the metal meets my shoulder. He’s dumb as a sack of hair for bringing a bow and arrow, but he’s got great aim. That thing _hurt_ – Steve didn’t let it stand, though. Damn near took Barton's head off with that shield of his – crushed his windpipe with that shot. From what I understand, he didn’t die quick, or easy, after that. Sometimes it’s better that way – especially if you’re looking for revenge, like Steve was. 

The arrow didn’t do any permanent damage, but I couldn’t move my damn arm properly til I’d had some repairs done later. Couldn’t wear it for days – way too heavy for the damaged tissue to support, once the adrenaline had faded out. Luckily, I heal almost as quick as Steve - so, pretty damn fast. 

Steve always knows what to do though – he gets ice when it needs ice, gets to massaging it when it aches. I guess he’s had a long time to adjust to that horrible gap where my arm used to be – but that doesn’t stop it from being a damn miracle that he doesn’t wanna be sick when he sees my whole left side. Sometimes it still makes me sick, and I see it every day in the mirror. It’s not just the arm, either – there’s scars all down my left. But Steve never makes me feel ugly, or damaged. He’s always got this dumb look on his face like he thinks I’m a freaking wonder of the world, or something. That punk sure knows how to make a guy feel accepted, even when he can’t accept himself . . . Or doesn’t want to. 

Whatever. It doesn’t matter what I think. He thinks I’m great, enough for the both of us. 

It doesn’t matter that I got hurt, anyway – I’m like brand new, now – cause Steve was okay, and Insight got off the ground. It was a pretty slick operation: all the targets were eliminated, and all the agents that tried to stop us are gone now. Only ours remain – and anyone who decided to join us, when they realised they were on the wrong side. And that’s good news, not least for me and Steve. 

We’re gonna be able to live in Brooklyn, again. They’ve got somewhere lined up for us, with a gym, and an honest to God pool in the basement – and two king-sized beds, I guess for appearances. The spare bed sure as shit isn't for friends – we don’t have any, anymore. 

Well, that’s not quite true – well, they aren't _friends_ , but we’re gonna have our own team, soon enough. We’ve already got one guy who wants to join – calls himself Crossbones, he was pretty useful on the day that Insight took off. He seems like a good fighter, but I almost punched his lights out when he made some dumb comment about me and Steve. He should have known better – his stupid mouth could get him into trouble one day. 

They used to say that about me, though . . . Ha. Guess they were right, weren’t they? I only ever got experimented on in the first place cause I defended the other subjects - the other prisoners, whatever we were. I wouldn't let them take the others. And I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to make some dumb comment to antagonise them - that attitude meant I ended up strapped to some work bench somewhere, alone, with poison burning my body, and no one to come and help me; no one to save me. Except Steve, eventually, of course. 

All's well that ends well, though . . . And I guess this ended well. Pierce stepped in, when the President was killed – with Fury gone and most of the guys in Washington dead or missing, it was up to him and his HYDRA buddies to rule, just like he hoped. It all went off exactly like he planned, I guess – he doesn’t exactly keep his blunt instruments in the loop. We just trust he’ll win, and we do what he says. It's always worked out before. 

One thing we didn’t anticipate that day was Stark. Didn’t think I’d have to face more than one generation of that family – me and Steve killed his parents a few decades back. Howard Stark . . . That son of a bitch deserves to burn in Hell for experimenting on Steve. They all do – the entire damn SSR, and anyone who let him get hurt. Killing Howard felt good, I’ll admit – I don’t think that’s wrong. Steve took charge for that one – I just cut the break lines on their car. He went in and made sure the guy suffered before he died; let him know that HYDRA said _howdy_. It was what he deserved. 

So when Tony Stark turned up in some make-shift Iron Man suit (he destroyed most of them a ways back, apparently), it felt like we were being haunted. He kept telling us we weren’t thinking straight, that we’d been brainwashed. Steve told him, _damn right, your dad was the one who did it_. He looked confused – guess he didn’t know how sick his old man was, being involved in all that shit. 

Pierce gave us confirmation over the coms that we could take him out – but not kill him. He seemed like a chump to me - but the guy’s a genius, apparently. Worth billions – well, not anymore, but he’s useful. Didn’t take long for Steve to shoot him out of the sky, and get a shot in with his shield – I crushed his damn armour, even with my arm damaged. Out like a light when he got hit with the shield again, this time in the head. 

Just another one of those creeps gone – the Avengers, they call themselves. They make me sick – Steve always gets this look in his eyes, when they’re mentioned, like he feels sorry for them. He wants to re-educate them, talk them round – I couldn’t care less. If they’re a threat to HYDRA – to Steve – they need taking out. Simple. 

The other _Avengers_ are HYDRA's next priority. HYDRA is developing some kind of technology to block arrivals from other dimensions – that damn thunder God, Thor or whatever the hell he’s calling himself - he won’t be able to come back, soon. It might take a while, but it’ll be worth it, so those damn aliens can’t stick their noses into our business. Steve’s all about freedom, and if we can’t deal with our own shit – if we’re being dictated to, and controlled – then we’re not free. That's what bothers him, most of all - and if it bothers him, it bothers me, too. Can't get anything done if the jerk is too busy frowning and worrying himself into an early grave (that is, if he's ever gonna have a grave). 

The last one is that Dr. Banner. He’s a harder case – they’re developing drugs for him, they’ve got him on lockdown so deep down that hardly anyone has a damn clue where he is. Steve says he wouldn’t usually support that kind of imprisonment – but he’s dangerous to the people we’re trying to defend, and he’s a monster, so he needs to be controlled. 

I asked him if he thought I was a monster – I mean, I was joking, I was laughing – but the look of horror on his face was . . . It was awful, and it was real. I’m sorry I said anything. I didn’t mean it – not really. 

He said I wasn’t. I’m not sure if I believe him, but – but he said, I’m not a monster, I’m just a man. He said I’m his, and he’ll never let me get locked away again. 

Always knew he was a pansy. But, yeah, I'll admit it, that made me feel pretty good. 

I feel like we’ve finally gotten something done. It’s taken so damn long, but we’re finally gonna get that life we never thought we’d ever see, let alone get. We never thought it’d be like this, when we enlisted – before the SSR kidnapped Steve for their projects, and the Americans experimented on me, and blamed it on HYDRA – for one, we never thought we’d end up . . . _Together_. Sure, I knew Steve would be with me forever, but not – not _with_ me. I don’t regret it, though. He’s the only one who understands, or whatever. No one else really gets it. How could they? It’s laughable, really. Our lives are sick fucking jokes – they start with a _Sentinel and a Soldier walk into a trap_ – but at least there's a good punchline. _And then they end up together!_ No one would have predicted that, especially with all the crap that happened in the middle. 

I always sucked at jokes. Steve always laughed, though. And he still does. I do, too, sometimes. 

The one thing the apartment in Brooklyn is missing is a pair of fridges, side-by-side, like when they used to make us get in them before. I get it, they were scared of us, and disgusted, or whatever – but let’s just say that those people who made the decision to put us away like that, just for being that close, all died pretty horribly in a series of accidents. We did get our own back, on that one. I know the HYDRA officials nowadays know we did it, but they don’t really care that we bumped them off – if anything, we got them a promotion. 

Those guys took away years of our lives. Consider the debt paid, assholes. 

America – the crooked, awful place it was before – is gone, lost in this new civil war. Pierce is in charge, and HYDRA is running the place, with almost everyone who opposed us dead. That’s a lot of people, but I know they deserve it. Steve knows it, too – he trusts me, after all. Trusts my judgement. 

It doesn’t feel like the end of anything, though. There are still plenty of people out there who want us dead; plenty of people who need recruiting to our team, and plenty of people we need to stop. 

We’re two old men, now, I guess – but while I’ve got my arm, Steve barely looks any different from those first few days he was conscious in the HYDRA facility they brought us to after the rescue. He still sounds the same, his hands are still the same, and his face, even the way he _smells_ – it kind of feels like nothing has changed, except for this hunk of junk weighing me down on my left side; until Steve jumps fifty feet in the air when I touch him with it when he’s not expecting it, in the middle of the night – it is pretty damn cold. Ha, ha. 

We’ll do it, though, together – me and that little punk from Brooklyn, we’re gonna beat them, and we're gonna win this thing, for HYDRA.  
We’ve got them on the ropes.


End file.
